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Hax: Journey through grief requires self-care

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Q I’m in the middle of a messy divorce, six months after my son — conceived after years of IVF — died at birth. I’ve also just started a new job with a lot more responsibility, and am living in temporary accommodations since my soon-to-be-ex is in the marital home.

I’m constantly either furious or in deep, black grief. It’s exhausting. My counselor says I need to take better care of myself. I agree, but I don’t know how. If I take some time off, or go on vacation, or treat myself, it won’t change the reality — my son will still be dead and my marriage will still have collapsed. It’s not like I can just take a break from this stressful situation to recharge. The stressful situation is inside me, it’s the grief over the loss of my family, and I don’t know how to take a break and escape from it.


I feel like I’m spending down an emotional savings account and don’t know how to replenish it. How do I do self-care in an unfixable situation? — All My Pretty Chickens and Their Dam

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Bless your heart
Bless your heart