Friday Funny
April 13, 2012 - 3:59pm
 
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through." 2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while." 3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite) 4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT) 6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" 7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?" 8. "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" 10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop." 11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center) 13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?" 14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can." 15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail." AND THE WINNER IS.... 16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
April 13, 2012 - 7:44pm
#2
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when a very large, leathered biker walked in. The biker walked up to the old man and struck him with a karate chop, knocking the old man to the floor. The biker said, "Karate, from Japan" and had a seat at a table. Without a word, the man quickly stood and left the diner. After a minute or two, the old man appeared and struck the biker in the back of the head with a crowbar, leaving him on the floor bleeding profusely. "Crow bar, from Sears and Roebuck!" announced the old man... |
 
 Scene Around | ||||||||
Man of Few Words
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in.
The first biker walked up, pushed a cigarette into the old man’s pie, and then took a seat at the counter.
The second one walked up, spat into the man’s milk, and then took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up, turned over the old man’s plate, and then took his seat.
Without a word, the man quickly stood and left the diner.
After a minute or two, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Hmph! Not much of a man, was he?”
“Not much of a truck driver, either,” the waitress said. “He just backed his big rig over three motorcycles.”=
"You can teach a man to drink, but he will have to learn to pee on his own." -Louis